ENCOUNTER WITH THE FLIRT 1

By: Dalisay Diaz

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"

 Gulantang na reaksiyon ni Billy sa abogado ng kanyang Uncle Franny, ang bunsong kapatid ng kanyang ama. Matagal itong hindi nagpakita sa kanilang pamilya kaya nagulat siya ng sadyain siya nito isang araw sa opisinang pinagtatrabahuhan niya.

  

Natatandaan pa niya kung paano siya nitong ginulat ng bumungad ito sa pintuan ng kanyang opisina. Nakipag-appointment pa pala ito sa sekretarya niya para lang talagang maka-usap siya. Makulay ang kasuotan na binati siya nito ng araw na iyon.

  

"Good Morning!" 

Napaigtad siya sa pagbating iyon. Kunot-noong binalingan niya ang isang matandang lalaking naka-suot ng makintab na amerikana. But what caught his attention more was the extravagance the old man was exuding. He's really not that old. In fact, he might have been of the same age with his father. Wait a minute, he really looked like his father.

"Good Morning sweetie!" nakangiting sabi nito.

"Ahm... G-good morning." aniya ng makabawi ng tinig.

"I bet you didn't know me but I'm Franny. Franny Mercado." sabay lahad nito ng kamay sa kanya.

Napakunot ulit siya ng noo.

"Mercado? Are we related?" takang tanong niya.

Impit itong tumawa. Actually he giggled like a school girl. Nagtakip pa ito ng bibig sa pagtawa.

"Yes my dear. I'm actually Francisco Mercado, your Uncle. But please! Call me Uncle Franny." maarteng sabi nito.

"What?!" 

"Now don't look so shocked sweetie. But I really am your father's youngest brother. The beautiful Franny!" 

"But I thought you were..."

"Dead? Well obviously I'm not. And I would like to believe your father has something to do with this." naiinis na putol nito sa sinasabi niya.

"What do you mean?" mapanganib niyang tanong. Siyempre, tatay niya yun.

"Hay naku. You look exactly like your father Vinny when you're gloomy." bumuntong-hininga pa ito. He looked nostalgic all of a sudden.

"Wait, my father's name is Vincencio. Not Vinny." apela niya.

"I call him Vinny. Ask him." nakataas kilay na sabi nito.

"You bet I will." he replied smugly.

"Oh I'm sure as hell you will. By the way dearest nephew, I just dropped by to say hello and to see you as well. Look how fast you've grown. You look..." Mataman siya nitong tinitigan. Nabitin sa ere ang boses nitong high-pitched na yata forever. Nagtaas-baba ang mata nito sa kanya as if isa siyang specimen from outer space.

"...Witty?" anang tiyuhin daw niya pagkatapos ng inspeksiyon.

Billy would like to take that as a compliment. Kahit pa may matibay na ebidensiya ng disgusto sa mukha ng kausap. Alam niyang di nito nagustuhan ang pananamit niya. Well, sino bang magkakagusto ng fashion-sense na meron siya?

At 27, his outfit is very outdated. He wore an eyeglass that no one in his right mind today will dare to wear. And his hair? Mahihiya ang pagawaan ng gel sa sobrang gamit niya nun. Banat na banat ang buhok niya sa brush-up na hairdo niya. But he's buff. Muscles in right places. Yun lang ang maganda sa kanyang hitsura. Plus he's fair.

"Thanks for the compliment." matabang niyang sabi.

"Your welcome Billy-kun." nakangiti ng sagot nito.

Memories flooded him. So he was the one who called him Billy-kun when he was a boy. Napangiti siya sa ala-alang iyon.

"Fran-Fran..." anas niya.

"I'm glad you remembered." anang tiyuhin.

Napangiti siya. Kaya pala di niya maitaboy ito kahit pa nakakairita ang pagiging maarte at makulay nito.

"What took you so long Uncle? Saka bakit sinabi ni Papa that you died in the States?"

Napabugha ito ng hangin. Lumungkot ang mukha. "He's mad at me. Ayaw niya sa pagiging bakla ko."

"What? That's ridiculous. Para iyon lang halos itinakwil ka na niya?" 

"I knew you'd be more sensible than your father." anitong tumatawa na.

He was fascinated on how fast his Uncle change his emotions. Nakaka-aliw talaga ito.

"Tell you what dear pamangkin, How about we have dinner and catch-up for the lost times?" masayang paanyaya nito.

"Okay. That would be great. Kita na lang tayo later Uncle Franny." pagpayag niya at saka sinabi kung saang restaurant sila magkikita.

"By the way Billy-kun. Can I ask you something?" kapagkuwan ay sabi nito.

"Sure! Fire away!"

"You're 27 right?"

"Yup."

"Have you had sex already?"

He was caught off guard by the question. His jaw dropped literally because of that. Anong kinalaman ng sex life niya dito?

"W-what?" 

"Oh don't get me wrong sweetie. I'm just curious kung may sex life ang mga geek na kagaya mo." natatawang sabi ni Franny sa pamangkin na gulat na gulat pa rin ang hitsura hanggang ngayon.

"Ahm.. I refuse to answer your question Uncle."

"Wow. Ano ito? Senate hearing? Relax sweetie, but from the looks of it, I can tell that you haven't have sex yet." diretsong saad nito.

Napanganga na naman siya. Halata bang masyado na at 27 eh virgin pa rin siya? Eh sa walang pumapatol sa kanya eh!

"That's not true!" aniya ng makabawi sa pagkabigla.

"Weh? You know sweetie, that is a sin you're committing." 

"What?" Since when did not having sex became a sin?

"You are depriving yourself of sexual pleasures, sweetie."

"I am depriving... what?" nagugulantang talaga siya sa mga pinagsasabi nito.

"At your age, you should be enjoying sex as it is. You probably didn't know that sex is healthy my dear pamangkin." pumalatak pa ito.

"What are you? A sex guru now?" pang-aasar niya.

"No silly. But studies shows that sex has a lot of health benefits for both physical ang psychological aspects."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this."

"Don't be a prude sweetie. I'm jut stating facts. Wait, do you have a girlfriend?"

Umiling siya. 

"It shows." walang pasakalyeng tugon nito.

Billy can't help but roll his eyes in frustration.

"How about boyfriend?" dugtong pa nito na muntik na niyang ikalaglag sa silya.

"I'm not gay." tuluyan na siyang nairita.

"Hey, don't take it against me sweetie. I just thought since you didn't have a girlfriend, I thought maybe you prefer boys instead." nakangisi lang na sabi nito.

Napabugha siya ng hangin sa paliwanag nito. His Uncle is simply a work of art. An irritating one.

  

Iyon ang naging huling pag-uusap nila. Hindi kasi natuloy ang dinner date sana nila. Something important came up.

Naalala pa niya ang huling sinabi nito bago lumabas sa opisina niya. 

"Have sex dear!"

Napapa-iling na tumingin siya sa dokumentong binabasa niya ngayon. It was Uncle Franny's last will and testament. May sakit na pala ito noong nakausap niya. Katatapos lang niyang basahin ang sulat nito na kalakip ng testamento.

My hunky pamangkin Billy...

Kung sakaling binabasa mo ito ay malamang na wala na ang beauty ko sa mundong ibabaw. 

I'm sorry kung inilihim ko ang sitwasyon ko sa inyo ni Vinny. Baka kasi makutusan lang ako ng ama mo maging mahirap pa ang pagyao ko sa mundong ito. Ayoko ng drama. Ngayong maayos na kami ni kuya ay gusto kong masasaya lang ang maalala ninyo tungkol sa akin.

Billy-kun, I never had a child kaya anong tuwa ko noong ipinanganak ka. Ngayong tigok na ako, I'm giving you a vast fortune. Ikaw na ang bahala sa lahat ng iyan. Gawin mo ang gusto mo.

May isa lang akong request Billy and I hope na mapagbibigyan mo ako. Maraming Salamat and I'll miss you forever...

Uncle Franny

Muntik na siyang mapaluha kung hindi lang niya nabasa ang pahabol nito sa sulat.

PS. Have you had sex already? Please do. It's good for your health.

Naiiling na tiningnan niya naman ang abogado ng magsalita ito.

"I'm not joking Billy. Mahigpit ang bilin sa akin ni Franny about this proviso." pormal na pormal na sabi nito.

"But it can't be done." marahas na tanggi niya.

"Kung hindi mo ito gagawin ay mapupunta ang lahat ng pinaghirapan ng tito mo sa mga charity institutions na inadopt niya. Leaving you with only 150 million on your bank account. You wouldn't want that to happen, would you?" 

He can't let that happen, that's for sure. Kahit pa malaki pa rin ang matitira sa kanya ay hindi niya maatim ang pagka-uwi ng pinaghirapan ng tiyuhin sa wala. Pero di rin niya maatim ang maliit na proviso nito.

"Are you sure about this thing? Baka naman nagha-hallucinate ang Uncle ng gawin niya ang will?" kontesa pa niya.

"I assure you Billy. Your Uncle is in right condition when he dictated me this proviso. Kahit ako ay namangha sa sinabi niya. I even contested this to him but told me to back-off and just do my job." frustrated na sabi nito.

"All right Attorney. What are the conditions?" sumusukong sabi niya.

"Simple lang. There are three conditions that should be met. First, you should change your fashion-sense." the lawyer said the last words blatantly.

"Second. You should reside on his villa for three months. That's somewhere in Ilocos Norte."

He just nodded.

"Third and final condition. Attend a crash-course about sex while you're in that villa under the same time-period. And write a short story about the whole experience which would be published in a book."

Napabugha siya ng hangin. Ganoon ba kadesperado ang tingin sa kanya ng uncle niya? Parang gustong-gusto nitong makaranas siya ng sex sa edad niyang iyon. Well, he can have sex with anyone but he just couldn't bring himself to. Natutuliro siya sa absurdity ng proviso na iyon.

"Who's going to be my teacher?" naitanong niya sa kawalang ng magawa sa sitwasyon.

"Oh, you'll like him." enthusiastic na sabi ng abogado.

"Him? Not "her"?" 

"Yes. Your teacher's a HE. No less than the controversial Eiji Perez." nakangiting sabi nito.

"What?" he knew who Eiji was. 

"Yup! You heard it right. The controversial self-confessed bisexual acrobatic tennis player and sex guru of DeviantMag." pagkakaompirma pa ng abogado sa detalyeng alam na niya.

"This is ridiculous!" sambit niya.

"It is. But Billy, its only for three months. Please bear with it. Matatapos na lang iyon ng hindi mo namamalayan." pangongonsola nito.

"Yeah! Whatever." matabang niyang sabi.

  "HIT me like you never did before and make feel horny dude!"

Eiji grinned over the phone. He was talking with Jake his sex buddy. He always talk that dirty whenever they're on the phone. Too bad he can't do what Jake wishes for. Besides, Maila, his other sex partner was lying on his beside him, sleeping.

"That was hot." tumayo siya at hinagilap ang boxers saka iyon isinuot. Tinungo niya ang kitchen ay kumuha ng orange juice sa ref. Mabilisan niyang ininom iyon sa pagitan ng pakikinig kay Jake.

"Eiji..."

"Hmm..." He covered his mouth then yawned.

"Can we meet tonight?" mainit na sabi nito.

"No. Not tonight." 

"Why?"

"I'm kinda tired so I can't hit you like you wanted it to be. I hate to fail you." pambobola niya.

"Tomorrow night then? Let's meet at my place."

"Sure." Tinapos na nito ang tawag kaya tinungo niya ang kama para muling mahiga sa tabi ni Maila para matulog sana ng tumunog ulit ang cellphone.

It was Jenny. Lumayo ulit siya sa natutulog na babae.

"Hi gorgeous!" bungad nito sa kanya.

Unlike Jake, this girl is sweet but a tigress in bed. Iba talaga ang perks na nakukuha niya sa pagiging celebrity. And ever since he admitted in public he's bisexual, he was sure as hell he's getting the best of both worlds.

"Hi yourself." balik niya rito.

"I've been wanting to kiss you. I missed you so badly. So bad, I want to pour your bady sweet little kisses." 

"That's so sweet of you Jen."

"Can I come over?"

"No. Not tonight."

"Why?"

"I'm tired sweetie."

"Tomorrow night then?" 

"No."

Bumugha ito ng hangin sa kabilang linya.

"How about the night after that?" alo niya rito.

"Really?" she suddenly sounded excited.

"Of course." 

"Okay." sagot nito saka nagpaalam.

Tumayo na siya at ini-off muna ang cp ng maapakan niya ang isang malaking eyeglasses. Napangiti siya ng maalala ang ayos ni Maila kagabi. She loved role-playing, kaya naman ng makita niya ito kagabi na nakapang-manang ay medyo tinabangan siya. But when she started to strip ay nakalimutan na niya halos ang manang na hitsura nito. Itinabi niya ang salamin. Saka sumukob sa ilalim ng tela at niyakap ang babae.